Graduation

After 5 1/2 long years I am finally graduating college! It's an accomplishment for sure, but I am struggling to feel happy about it. First of all I feel like it was a waste of time and money, I have no plans of finding a job or continuing my education any time soon. I want to focus on raising my family. 

The second and heartbreaking problem is who to invite to the ceremony. I have 10 tickets, "only 10?" Some might say, yeah I expected it would be difficult to cut people in order to only pick 10 people. This is not the case. Not having mom around is what I think is the hardest for me, and because she will not be there to watch me walk I want to have lots of others be there to support me. I will have my fiancée and son (he does not count as a ticket), my dad and step mom, two uncles and one of their wives. For my family, that's all there is. I will also invite my fiancées mom because we have grown pretty close. I want my grandma to be able come but she has to fly my great grandpa down to Florida for the winter. Her not being here makes me pretty sad, I know it's not her fault and I don't blame her but she is the only grandma I have left. The other person I would really love to come is my best friend, she however is due to have her baby 8 days beforehand and I don't blame her for not wanting to a) take a newborn out in the cold or b) leave her newborn for a few hours. It's sad that she won't be able to be there for me, but I don't blame her for it. 

The fact that I am struggling to fill 10 seats makes my heart sad. 

The way I am feeling about it right now, I don't think it should be solely on me to spread the news that I am graduating via announcements. Not only do we not have extra money for them, most graduates' parents buy them and send them out. Not me, I just forked up $130 for 25 announcements that I really could care less about. I just don't feel like its anything special to celebrate, and now I have to figure out what 25 households I am going to send them too. Woohoo that sounds like a day I will need a double shot of cherry vodka in my coke zero. 

The point I suppose is that I wish my mom was here, and because she is not I wish the people I do have were closer and more supportive.

It's a strange phenomenon that everyone around me forgets that she is gone, it's been over two years and she has faded to everyone else. But her absence is just as fresh today as it was two years ago. People forget that I don't have that one big supporter in my life anymore. But I guess no one is obligated to step up and provide the extra support that I need. 

Sorry it's been so long since I have posted. To say I have been keeping myself busy would be an understatement. Thanks for anyone that still reads my blog.