Breastfeeding

Last night Greyson drank his last bag of donated breastmilk. We didn't make it to 2 years like I had really wanted to but we made it to 19 months. 19 months 10 days of no bottles, no formula. Breastmilk and eventually (after a year) we added raw goats milk during the day in a cup. Now he will only drink water and nurse what little I am producing. 

I am so grateful that we stuck it out, the breastfeeding bond is an amazing one that is worth every mile driven to get more milk, every sleepless night of waking to feed, every tear shed that I am just not enough to sustain my baby, the terror when we realized the deep freezer door had been left open and most of the milk had thawed, the constant worry that he might not be gaining enough weight in the beginning. 

Worth. Every. Second. 

He nurses to sleep for his naps, he nurses if he falls and hurts himself, he nurses in the middle of the night (though now it's less and less). I am his comfort in a way I never was with Parker. 

I mourn for the loss of that bond with Parker but I am grateful I have it with Greyson. I do my best to remind myself that it's not my fault and I didn't know then with Parker what I educated myself about before Greyson. But it's still hard and I can't help but wonder if Parker's ear aches would have never happened like Greyson doesn't get them. Or if the cough he tends to get every few months is because he didn't get the immune building benefits of extended breastfeeding. I will never know for sure and I try not to dwell on the past. 

Today I am celebrating the bittersweet victory and ending of feeding Greyson donor breastmilk. I hope that I am able to find as many amazing moms with my future children that I was this time around. I met some amazing women that have donated to us! 

If I counted correctly we received milk from 25 women over the past year and a half! 

A rough estimate of 8,000 ounces or 62.5 gallons of milk! 

I have made friendships that will last a lifetime and I cannot ever thank them enough for their generosity! Pumping milk is not easy, it is stressful and time consuming and the fact that they were willing to give us some of their hard earned liquid gold is so selfless and amazing. 

I am saddened that this era is over, but I am looking forward to possible better nights of sleep, goodness knows my body and mind are in desperate need for it. 

In a perfect world I would wait until Greyson was ready to wean but I was not given a perfect world with boobs that actually work the way they are supposed to so I have to accept it as it is and move on. 

I will continue to research and do everything in my power to balance my hormones, lead a healthy life  and do what I can to reverse the damage that was done during puberty but I also know that I will never be capable of exclusively breastfeeding, and that is disappointing but something I also just have to accept. 

I stuck it out, I walked the hard path, I never gave up, I did what I feel was best for my baby. So hell yeah I'm going to pat myself on the back and snuggle my beautiful baby(not so much :( )boy! 

Diapers, Paper Towels, Polyester

Things are going good so far. We got all the products I mentioned before and love them! I wish I knew about reusable paper towels a long time ago! They are amazing, I got bamboo ones and they are so much better than regular paper towel. They wash and dry nicely, and I can rinse them off throughout the day to wipe Greyson off after meals, clean up spills, dry my hands, etc. 

The cloth diapers I bought were Alvababy's. I got 5 bamboo lined pocket diapers with 5 bamboo inserts. By themselves they work good, I tried using receiving blankets inside so that the diapers could be reused but that never really worked out. 

Polyester is a type of plastic that has its own negative effects on the environment so as we buy new things like clothes or anything made out of fabric I will make sure to only buy 100% cotton, hemp, bamboo, or wool. Everything else is man made and I want to stay away from that! I know that will be a long process and it will be hard to get all the family on the same page, as some of them but us clothes for the boys, but as long as from now on what we bring into the house is plastic free it's a step in the right direction. 

That being said, the bamboo diapers are actually 85% bamboo and 15% polyester so ordering more of the same just didn't feel like the right thing to do. With cloth diapers it's hard to get all natural materials because it's used on the outside shell to be waterproof, so I found some that are all natural materials on the parts that will touch the baby. When just starting out with cloth diapering it can be very overwhelming because there are so many options and prices! Laura sent me a link to the type she used and I think I will like them. They are an All-in-two system which means you have the outside of the diaper (the cover) and the inserts. With these diapers you snap in the insert and put it on just like a disposable diaper. When you need to change the diaper you unsnap the insert, wipe the cover of needed and snap another insert in. I like this idea because then I don't have to buy a bunch of diapers just a few covers and then however many inserts I'll need to get through a day or two, depending on how often I do laundry. 

I cycled out all our plastic cups and took advantage of a Father's Day deal with the company Klean Kanteen and ordered some metal cups for all 4 of us. I know the boys will like them so I'm excited to get them. 

We are still trying to get this whole new way of life rolling, we have a hard time remembering to bring our reusable bags to the grocery store. I did opt to not use the plastic produce bags and just put them free in the cart though. Step in the right direction. 

I got myself a few new t-shirts and made sure they were 100% cotton, but then didn't ask the lady not to put them in a bag. This will be the hardest part for me, speaking up to people. From family who buy things for us to cashiers, I just have a hard time really sticking up for myself. I tend to just take things as they come and keep my mouth shut. I really need to work on it and just say what needs to be said. 

Other things I've ordered or are going to be getting are: 

wooden cutlery to take with us to places like picnics, family reunions etc. 

Bamboo straws to bring with us to restaurants

Metal straws for at home

Going Greener

After having Parker, I have been becoming more and more conscious of a lot of things. I am a lot more crunchy than the general population but I still have a long way to go. In the last year I have gotten rid of household chemicals and use green alternatives. At one point we got rid of all our plastic containers and got glass, but plastic has been creeping it's way back into our lives slowly. After having Greyson, I have been entertaining the idea of cloth diapering and we do only use cloth wipes as of a few months ago. 

Two nights ago I attended a lecture by Dr. Jeff Senechal D.C. about raising children naturally and it really got my wheels spinning. 

I spent that night after I got home feeling very overwhelmed! We eat very clean but not perfect and as Parker gets older more and more things have slipped through the cracks. I personally am an all or none person, type A and a perfectionist. With my own mystery health issues and doctors bills piling up I felt very stuck not knowing how to turn our lives around. I don't have a lot of support, my family and my in-laws think I am crazy, my husband eventually goes along with all my things but mostly thinks I'm crazy. We are working very hard to get debt free (following the Dave Ramsey plan) so spending money is always very emotionally difficult for me and my husband. 

Coming out of that lecture a few of the many things I wanted to start focusing on are eliminating plastic from our lives, cloth diapering, and eating (even) better. 

Thinking about plastic and eliminating it completely feels absolutely impossible to me, and being an all or nothing, if it's not perfect it's failure type person I don't even want to try because I know I will fail. The groceries we get are mostly unprocessed but still, strawberries, carrots, meats all come in plastic. I don't have the time, money, energy or resources to shop at butchers and farmers markets where we could potentially avoid that kind of stuff. 

After talking with a couple like minded girlfriends (Love you Laura and Lindsey) I calmed down and started to just look stuff up on the internet. The first day all I saw were price tags and just kept looking but made no commitments or changes. Today, however, I was calm enough to look at more products and make some purchases. 

For eliminating plastic the things I can immediately control are getting rid of plastic cups and dishes, and replacing our plastic shower curtain. They seem so small and it doesn't feel like a big change but I have noticed I am looking at the world with new eyes, critically thinking about alternatives to everything I need to purchase and really just taking it one step at a time. As long as each day I do a little better then I am on the right track. At the moment I feel ok with this way of thinking. I know there will be many times I just feel inadequate because I'm not perfect. The boys will always have plastic toys, but they won't drink out of plastic any longer. And that just needs to be good enough. 

I took the plunge and bought 5 cloth diapers to try out, I know it's not a lot and I'll need more but for now I am very excited about this step and I can't wait to see where it takes me! As gross as some people may think it is, I am considering and will most likely make it a reality, to not use toilet paper any longer and use cloth. To me, I'm already wiping 2 poopy butts and use cloth on the baby so I wash and reuse those everyday, it doesn't feel like a big leap to me. I don't think Andrew will jump on that band wagon but as the only female in the house I use the most toilet paper any way so it should help decrease our carbon footprint a bit.

We rarely use paper towel but we do use it. I stumbled across reusable paper towel made from bamboo and looked into it, asked Laura about her experience and ordered 2 rolls. 

So overall the last few days have been a roller coaster of anxiety and emotions. But I have new diapers and paper towels on the way and will reduce plastic as I go as much as possible! 

Another product I was introduced to are soap nuts, I plan to try that out once we run out of our seventh generation free laundry detergent. And homemade products will become even more used in our household!